| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|11:57 pm] |
I know that this is wrong
but baby, we're invincible. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|10:36 pm] |
What number was I?
Just another...blurry umpteenth? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2008|06:49 pm] |
I might be dead
Quiet
Unmoving
Decomposing
(I'm in love) |
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| Jack and Jill Went Out to Kill |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
An inexplicable chill
Is someone there?
A toxic ghost, four syllables grace chapped lips
You're so pretty when you're bleeding |
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| Plastic |
[Jan. 6th, 2008|04:08 am] |
Me [3:58 A.M.]: Do you think, if you melted broken plastic and re-molded it, that it would be as good as it was before? Or maybe there would be tiny bubbles of air.
Me [3:58 A.M.]: Like, because it was flawed you couldn't get it back to normal.
Him [3:58 A.M.]: thered be a mark where you molded it im sure but it matters how you did it and with what precision
Him [3:59 A.M.]: but yes thered always be a mark
Me [4:00 A.M.]: This tiny piece of plastic has a picture attached to the back, and if you apply pressure, the picture inside rips, but the plastic on the outside only stretches.
Him [4:00 A.M.]: yea but thats paper versus plastic henceforth the paper verse the heat alone of course it will weaken and rip
Me [4:02 A.M.]: Unless you pulled it as hard as you could...then while the rest is stretched and mangled there's only that little rip at the top...
Me [4:02 A.M.]: But I'm not like the plastic. I'm like the paper.
Me [4:02 A.M.]: And that bothers me.
Him [4:02 A.M.]: well then im going to help you as much as i can
Him [4:03 A.M.]: to become stronger than even the plastic |
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| A Look at 2007 |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|01:41 pm] |
[1] What did you do in 2007 that you've never done before?
I finally finished a short story, and went on to finish a ton more.
[2] Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes, surprisingly, the one that I remember. I've been meaning to make some for this year but I can't think of any...
[3] Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
[4] Did anyone close to you die?
No.
[5] What countries did you visit?
None. D:
[6] What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A relationship. :(
[7] What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
December 22. It was the first time I realized I was in love. Cheesy but true.
[8] What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I got honor roll at school. That's not that amazing but...
[9] What was your biggest failure?
The whole first half of the year. (And doing NOTHING all summer.)
[10] Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Nope.
[11] What was the best thing you bought?
My Wii was the best thing I got, but I didn't buy it. The best thing, I have to say, was Life On The Murder Scene, because I love it to death and watch it nonstop.
[12] Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends, who helped me through one hell of a night.
[13] Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My sister. No need for explaining.
[14] Where did most of your money go?
Hah, what money?
[15] What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Warped Tour, Christmas, a few certain people.
[16] What song will always remind you of 2007?
January 1979 by mewithoutYou.
[17] Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Much happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? I don't think either.
iii. richer or poorer? Still broke.
[18] What do you wish you'd done more of?
Socialized.
[19] What do you wish you'd done less of?
Close my self off.
[20] How did you spend Christmas?
With my family, like always.
[21] Did you fall in love in 2007?
Honestly? Yes.
[22] How many one-night stands?
None.
[23] What was your favorite TV program?
Lost
[24] Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone.
[25] What was the best book you read?
The Time Traveler's Wife/Eclipse.
[26] What was your greatest musical discovery?
Breathe California and Backseat Goodbye.
[27] What did you want to get?
An iPod Touch/Cell phone. :(
[28] What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn't really see many movies this year, and of the few, no particular one jumps out.
[29] What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out to eat, then to the mall with my family and friends. I turned sixteen.
[30] What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finally having true friends.
[31] How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Hollister and Abercrombie, which I think is hilarious because of my musical interests and my friends.
[32] What kept you sane?
Music, friends, writing.
[33] Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Oh come on... It's a tie between Mikey Way and Ryan Ross. 'Cause I'm the epitome of cliche'.
[34] What political issue stirred you the most?
The war.
[35] Who did you miss?
My friend Zianna. :(
[36] Who was the best new person you met?
Brandon. He is such an amazing friend.
[37] Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
It's better to live in the moment and be hurt, then to barricade yourself from the world and not feel anything.
[38] Quote a song lyric that sums up your year!
"They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay..."
-Such Great Heights by The Postal Service |
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| In One Saturday |
[Dec. 30th, 2007|04:20 pm] |
I run my hand up and down his spine. Each vertebrae protrudes sickeningly from underneath creamy skin, and it tricks my finger tips into believing that maybe they aren’t even a part of him. Twenty-four tiny door knobs just waiting to be opened. And I imagine where each one would lead. One to his stomach (so small it’s nearly nonexistent). Another to his lungs (that are expanding and contracting inside his seemingly hollow chest with uneven intensity). The third one down, I’m sure, will lead to his heart. If I could venture inside, would I be the love of his life?
My hand spends the most time outlining that one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|06:31 pm] |
Fuck!
I fucking hate him! I hate that fucking manipulative piece of shit. I hate my sister for not fucking opening her eyes and breaking up with him when he fucking raped me. I hate her for allowing him to stick his fucking dick in her mouth when I was in the same fucking room. I hate my goddamn parents for leaving me alone with him and not fucking understanding.
I hate Jimmy for comforting me when I was sad, telling me he wanted to stay good friends for a long time, then ignored me the rest of the night.
I hate Brandon for making me fall in love with him, and myself for letting it happen. I hate that I can't call him without feeling like I'm wasting his time when I have nothing to say. I hate that he's still with her and yet he tells me he loves me.
I hate that I haven't written anything in weeks, and I have no desire to.
I hate that...whenever something good happens, everything else has to simultaneously fall apart. |
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| 2008 Booklist |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|07:36 pm] |
So I haven't been reading much at all these past few months. I'm busy, or tired, or don't have the money. But I'm setting a goal for myself this new year, to read fifty books before the end of 2008. So that's roughly five books a month. That really isn't a problem for me, I go through them pretty fast, the hard part is choosing which books to read.
So if you have some suggestions on ones you really enjoyed, I'm up for them. :) Give me a little summary. <3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2007|08:18 am] |
So, my computer died.
We have our new one up, but I lost the chapter I was writing of Ordinary and now I can't remember what I wrote.
I fail at life.
::Permission for my readers to shank me:: |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2007|11:43 am] |
I can't talk to them, because I'm ashamed.
That's my secret. I'm ashamed.
And I can feel them slipping through my fingers--Goodbye 'friends'!--but I cannot speak. I cannot apologize or do anything but watch them leave, with somebody else.
Mute, oh god, I'm going mute.
(And yet, was I ever able to truly speak at all?) |
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| Feel Like Flying |
[Dec. 14th, 2007|08:13 am] |
I've always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon, but I'm afraid of heights.
There's a balloon festival near here in the spring, and I want to go, if only to look at them. They are so pretty and whimsical. I'd imagine it'd cost a lot, though.
And what if I panicked once we took off? They go so high...
But what's 50,000 feet when I'm riding in something I've always admired from afar?
 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|03:12 am] |
Say goodnight, say goodbye
The sun set long ago
Now all the world's a blanketed white
It's time to leave, time to go home
Don't worry about your mitten, lost
stowed away until spring when all the snow melts
It'll be like a nice surprise, because you'll forget
that we were even here tonight.
Say goodbye, say goodnight
The snow is falling, the night is calling!
Don't make me leave you without any last words
Please just say it, say goodbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|02:37 am] |
I am feeling a lot better now.
After my breakdown tonight and this morning, I'm drained to the point of exhaustion, but it felt really good to get everything off my chest. So I want to say thank you to those people who helped me.
Kat, even though you weren't there for the brunt of it, thank you for last night.
Thanks Zianna, if you read this. It does help to rant.
Laura, thanks a lot, you always know the right thing to say and you give amazing advice. Without you I probably wouldn't have gone through with the message I sent him.
And I know Jimmy doesn't have an LJ but I want to thank him the most because we talked for at least four hours last night online and on the phone, as well as today. He really helped me and brought my spirits up.
So thank you all, life seems a little more live-able now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2007|06:30 am] |
lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies truth? lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies |
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| A Different Kind of Pretty |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|10:08 am] |
I hate you, I hate you
more than anything I could express
And yet I believed every goddamn word
that came from your mouth
that ugly, lying, cheating,
beautiful, spontaneous, hurtful mouth
that spewed pretty webs in the glow of artificial light
and I would admire them for days on end
Saying to myself, "I hate him, I hate him"
just to keep the word 'love' from leaking out |
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| Mister User |
[Nov. 21st, 2007|12:33 am] |
Excuse me, Mister
but I've heard some things about you
I've heard you're not like other guys
that your honest and caring
But mister, please, you can't expect me to believe this?
when all my life there has not been one
What's that you say?
You think you can change my mind?
Just you try, you cannot convince me
that you're this person you say you are
Mister, mister, I think I'm in love,
so let me apologize, you aren't like everyone else
You're just the guy I've been looking for
Exactly who I've needed
But now whose hand is penetrating clothes?
I thought you said you were trustworthy?
I thought you weren't like those other guys,
those were your very words
Mister, mister, I thought you were supposed to be
my knight in shining armor? |
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| Mute? |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|07:37 am] |
You asked with as little sincerity as you could muster,
and I should have said no
but, I admit, I haven't been dong much 'living' lately
can't seem to make myself do anything worthwhile
So I took a drag, sucked you in, hoping the poison would wane quickly
And your eyes sparkled like all of the glass and window panes in that three story victorian house down the street
where we would venture in it's deserted confines at night, just begging to be murdered, only for the adrenaline rush
and the feeling of...
I can't feel enough...
You feel me up...
You fill me up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|06:36 am] |
Why can't I write something beautiful and tragic, something poignant and refreshingly honest about my own life instead of this fiction?
Why can't I put this feeling of not having enough courage to stand up for myself into words when other people can weave them so effortlessly?
What if I'm not meant to be a writer? |
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